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ABOUT US

We're the Foreskin Thieves. We love foreskin and we want YOURS. If you're willing to give us your foreskin, just say the word, we have operatives everywhere... Everywhere. We see you. And we see your foreskin...

We jest, but we'd love to. If you feel you could live without it, tell us precisely how much foreskin we can have and we'll take it, free of charge. We don't need your address, we already have it. Just give us the measurements and we'll do the rest.

It's also important to note, that we send care packages to all of our clients, the contents and size of the care package depends on the choices we present to you below, the more painful the extraction, the larger the care package you will recieve.

About

Now for the big question

how much can we have?

The Opposite of First Class

You do not want this option. I personally, the leader of this organisation, will break into your house, in broad daylight, and forcibly remove your foreskin, with my hands, using a special technique I call "Twist and pull".

Give

Super economy (bleach)

A choice most can't bear to suffer, one of our operatives will break into your house at night, wake you up via bleach in your eyes and then forcibly remove the skin with a blunt pair of plastic nursery scissors.

Give

Economy (Tetanus)

The regular option. One of our operatives will take your foreskin with rusty old garden shears I got from the dumpster out the back of a morrisons. No painkillers, no cauterising, no fooling around. Maybe some tetanus though.

Give

Business (Kind of Sore)

A more professional choice, one of our operatives will take a kitchen knife to your foreskin, worry not, we'll give you some ibuprofen and we'll even do you the favour of cauterising your wound with a bunch of matches.

Give

First Class

I personally, the leader of this organisation, will come to your house at night, sedate you and take a clean scalpel to extract your foreskin. It would be like it never happened.

Give